Discussion Forum

Planning wind-ups

From Jim
Monday, October 16, 2006

Someone please tell me this is a wind up!

  • Tin Tab flattening
  • Effigy Sprouting
  • Ladbrokes thriving
  • Canals closing
  • Crows Nest awaiting
  • Gnomon battling
  • Eco homes concreting

Well if you can?t beat them, join them!

Does anyone know of any financial investors? I have a great idea to purchase Old Town Mill and convert it into a Super Casino / lap dancing paradise / 24 hour nightclub.

I reckon it's just what the town needs! Take a minute to imagine, the glow will be visible from Manchester!
My friend The Lorax isn't happy about this but its everyman for himself now!

Are we as residents of this town going to be truthfully and accurately consulted in any of the town's developments?

Posted by Andrew Hall
Monday, October 9, 2006

Too late Jim! A friend and I have already planned to buy up every shop in Hebden as they become vacant and install an Ann Summers shop, a massage parlour, a boozer giving free alcohol to the under 18's, an 'organic' organic shop (ie built out of dried cow dung), a Bernard Ingham Appreciation Society Gift Shop, and so so much more! It does, of course, hinge on our winning the lottery - something that so far we have singularly failed to do.

With reference to the sprouting effigies and gnomon debate, I console myself that, whatever finally takes root in the square, it would only take a madman in a bulldozer half a minute to restore the status quo.

Which reminds me... has anyone got a JCB I can borrow?

From Oscar
Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Good job we've got a sense of humour!

I walked passed the stone effigies daily as they were being created, only realising they were destined for the square when I watched them being installed.

I now see more stone effigies 'being born' in the same place...don't know if they're headed for the square as well, or maybe they're for the new tesco car park, or perhaps destined to add 'character' to the colden eco-homes.

Can't wait to see the fustian stainless steel blunt tip set in a bronze sheath!

On that note, I think the best place for an independent, organic, fair-trade, politically correct, lapdancing club would have been the former TIC building. I'm sure the acronym could be re-used somehow, and its ideally positioned in a triangle between a cheap pub, a curry house and a bookies.

Oscar (JCB's for hire ? cheap rates - night times only!)

Posted by Rev Tony Buglass
Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The point about the additional stone effigies is that you need enough to allow for replacements when the ones already in place have their days off, holidays, and obligatory staff training. The latest European Work Directives will be extended to apply to statues and effigies, on the grounds that being stoned doesn't exclude you from work-time protections.

This is not a new issue, of course, but was the real point behind the nationwide search for a new statue for the unoccupied plinth in Trafalgar Square. I gather there have been behind-the-scenes negotiations between the statues themselves as to who stands where, and the only reason there has been no change is because Nelson can't find a way down, and Eros says he can't fly high enough to get him down. No wonder Churchill looks grumpy, and King Alfred looks saddle-sore.

So, please be understanding and kind to the effigies, because they stand there in all weathers. If you smile nicely, they may even talk to you...

Posted by Jack Hughes
Tuesday, October 17, 2006

I've said it before and I'll say it again; what Hebden Bridge really needs is an utterly enormous, multistorey "head shop". Notwithstanding the considerable amount of business likely to be had from locals, one would think this might attract a better class of tourist to the town. I can see the adverts now - "Largest selection of bongs in the North" - "Over 250 varities of king-size skins" - "Legal herbal hallucinogens our speciality" - "Where the customer is always high" and so on. Maybe it'd give old Bernard something new to talk about too.

From Andy M
Thursday, October 19, 2006

Or how about getting rid of all the undistinguished buildings along Bridgegate ansd replacing the with something modern and stylish along the river taking full advantage of the pedestrianisation? Away with slavish Heritage