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Privatise Father Christmas?

From Paul Clarke

Monday, 19 December 2011

I think tiresome free market obsessive David Telford is missing a trick by not arguing we should privatise Father Christmas thus opening the festive delivery system open to competition.

It is very old fashioned thinking to allow this cuddly red under the Xmas tree to distort competition by operating a monopoly on Xmas present delivery from his Lapland lair.

Let's look at the savings and advantages for the consumers, ie our children:

  • brilliantly efficient private delivery companies like TNT could get into this market with their own Santas and kids could visit the TNT Santa in his branded grotto on an industrial estate in Tod.
  • we could pay a premium to have a designated timeslot for our delivery . . . think how much money that would make given the millions of homes visited. This cost could be offset by not leaving out food and drink for the contracted workers who would be on tight timeslots for each home so couldn't eat the mice pies.
  • Santa's huge belly could sport sponsors logos like an F1 driver
  • the sleigh could have sponsor logos like FI encouraging our children to drink, smoke and lodge their pocket money with incompetent banks. The reindeers could be renamed as the Virgin reindeers for instance.
  • Yo ho, ho, ho . . . very inefficient marketing . . . surely Yo, ho, ho is quite enough saving much needed time for deliveries.
  • it is bizarre that Santa uses eight reindeer when four could do the job if they multi tasked and just worked harder damn them. (Santa's new bigger whip could be sponsored). This means Donner and Blitzen and the others would be 'able to find new opportunties' in the job market.
  • Santa makes his presents in a well lit factory with proper health and safety in place. In the new open market he would be forced to subcontract the work to some six year old paid 2p a day in a Far East sweatshop which is the true advantage of having an open global market.
  • Santa's elves work a normal 37 hour week but would be forced to sign a waver for the European Time Directive so they could be forced to work unlimited hours
  • Santa's Elves also have a final salary pensions scheme so would be immediately transferred to a vastly inferior scheme so they can join the insane drive to the bottom advocated by the likes of Mr Trelford and his ally Cllr Baker.

It is a disgrace that that the clearly commie Santa is allowed to get away with this form of old fashioned monopoly in the public interest. The sooner we privatise his well established, efficient and much loved present delivery system then we will get a better service like we did then they privatised the trains, buses, public services etc.


From Ian M

Monday, 19 December 2011

I have to say I find the continuing mockery and insults directed at David, just because he has an opinion which differs from some, rather childish and a little pathetic! Most of it, this thread included, wouldn't be out of place in a schoolyard coming from the mouth of a bully!

From Paul Clarke

Monday, 19 December 2011

Ian M, I have to say I find you wheeling out the tired old bullying argument really 'pathetic'.

Mocking David's fixation with the free market hardly constitutes bullying, especially as he himself resorts to terms like 'bleating' when refering to those who disagree with him.

I do disagree with David about everything, but he is hardly a soft target as he is more than capable of defending himself robustly.

Ian, you must have had a very sheltered school life if you think this is playground bullying.

From Gary Rathbone

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

I am surprised this thread has been allowed in this forum as its only purpose appears to be to antagonise and provoke an individual rather than to make a valid local contribution.

Bullying? Maybe. Childish and unnecessary, yes.

From Jason Elliott

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Sorry Ian, but you need to lighten up a bit.

Paul's inventive and humorous take on privatising Father Christmas is just a bit of light-hearted banter that no doubt brought a smile to the lips of many of his political adversaries as well as friends.

To imply that we should feel sorry for David Telford as Paul thuggishly gives him a kicking behind the science block is just ridiculous.

DT is more than capable of looking after himself on these pages and to portray him as a victim does the bloke a disservice.

It was a joke.

From Andy M

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

Happy Christmas everyone!

And errr 'Peace'!

From David Telford

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

I really don't take it as bullying but if you're going down this road, make it funny - as a guide, if you have to explain yourself all the way through, it's not going to work as a gag.

Sorry to sound condescending (that means talking down to someone BTW)

From Graham Barker

Tuesday, 20 December 2011

David Telford - Forgive me but what I'm starting to find irritating about your posts is not your political or economic views but the fact that you can't just say your piece and have done with it. You have to keep coming back with the same points, as though beating us repeatedly over the head with them will win you more converts. I don't think it will.

Your arguments are also weakened by what I can only describe as assertive naivete. One example: you say the rail network 'has more passengers now than British Rail ever did ... What does that tell you?' Speaking personally, it doesn't tell me that people prefer a privatised over a nationalised system. It suggests that more people living further from their work may be a large factor. But I can't prove it's the only factor so I'm not going to claim that it is. You may win more respect if you try to be less Daily Mail in your analyses of cause and effect.

From Jonathan Timbers

Wednesday, 21 December 2011

Well said, Graham. Personally, I think there are strong arguments - particularly on human rights grounds - that can be put in favour of private ownership. But I regret to say that David's one dimensional opinions are driving me towards greater and greater scepticism about the merits of free market capitalism.

From Paul Clarke

Saturday, 24 December 2011

I always thought Thatcher's fatal flaw was her total lack of a sense of humour . . . like when she failed to get the Monty Python parrot reference in a speech. 'Is he one of us?' . . . . bit like Callmedave missing the point of Eton Rifles.

Without being condescending Mr Telford doesn't seem to get satire. That's where vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, ideally with the intent of shaming individuals, and society itself, into improvement. Maybe 2012 will be different on David's planet but somehow I doubt it.

From David Telford

Thursday, 29 December 2011

I get satire, Paul Clarke, it's just you're not good at delivering it. You certainly struggle with irony (as well as simple sums)!

From Paul Clarke

Saturday, 31 December 2011

David, please stop being nasty as I feel I'm being bullied by your superior intellect and wit . . . now there's a bit of irony.

From Dave M

Saturday, 31 December 2011

A very funny lampoon in my opinion. Just a pity that the target has taken it so badly. Please, Mr Telford, give us a witty response to match.

From Andy M

Tuesday, 3 January 2012

I don't want to privatise santa (for the sake of my kids!) but here is one privatisation I'd be in favour of . . . lowest bidder wins.

Christmas and New Year are over, so it's time to call a halt to this thread - Ed